just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
