hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
