I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
nutella sex= disaster
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
