remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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