Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i've created a new STD.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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