You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
