i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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