She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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