I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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