She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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