the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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