Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
