I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
