his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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