I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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