I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
