Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
