but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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