so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
