OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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