What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
