So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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