I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
