She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
