She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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