He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
