Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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