apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
