My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
