wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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