return my video game
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
