You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
How external is "for external use only"?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
