just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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