my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
