in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
