2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
