i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You need a sexual gate keeper
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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