I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
