I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
