he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
third nipple confirmed
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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