So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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