Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
