my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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