i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I think i got beer on your cat.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
