where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
