So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
