Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
