I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
