Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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