he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
