Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
