One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
