sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
