Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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