there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
